Dating Profile Fix: My Boyfriend In Bed With My Best Friend
May 8, 2009 by E. Foley · Comments Off
On the topic of Things You Shouldn’t Mention In Your Profile, here’s a girl who tells the tale of why she’s single.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 20-something woman we’ll call Anna.
Before:
Now I guess a question will come to your mind (Why is she Single?) isn’t it…ok ok, I used to have a boyfriend but I broke up with him, I caught him in bed with my best friend, you know how that is, it’s a SHOCK, lol…so this led me to break up with him, was I right by that decision???
What This Says:
Not only is she disclosing that her boyfriend’s cheating past, she’s asking for validation on her decision to dump him? Wow, just wow.
The Fix:
This falls under things you shouldn’t mention in your dating profile (or even on a first date). Anna should focus on what makes her wonderful and unique and if people ask about why she’s single, she can say “I just haven’t found the right guy yet.“ Only when a relationship gets to a more stable point should she start sharing stories like this one.
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: I want, I want, I want
May 7, 2009 by E. Foley · Comments Off
If you don’t re-read your profile before posting it, you’ll end up making mistakes that would make your 5th grade English teacher cringe.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 20-something woman we’ll call Zoe.
Before:
I want someone who is funny. I want someone who has ambitions and goals and always leaves room to better themselves. I want them to be driven and motivated that away we can benefit from one another. I want someone humble, and easy going but strong willed like myself. I want a friend, a companion and someone trust worthy and knows how to treat a woman as a lady with respect honor and dignity.
What This Says:
I want someone who is funny. I want someone who has ambitions and goals and always leaves room to better themselves. I want them to be driven and motivated that away we can benefit from one another. I want someone humble, and easy going but strong willed like myself. I want a friend, a companion and someone trust worthy and knows how to treat a woman as a lady with respect honor and dignity.
Seeing a trend here? Every sentence starts with “I want.“ Since this is her entire profile, it’s sending a pretty clear message. This is all about her wants.
The Fix:
Zoe needs to write about herself. The first paragraph of an online dating profile should always be about who YOU are. Then in the second paragraph you can get into the type of mate you want to find. Even then, she’ll want to spin it in a way that describes HIM without her needs involved.
You are a bit of a comedian: easy going and always smiling or cracking a joke. But on the other hand, you’ve got your life together. You’re driven and motivated and inspire those around you to be better people. People have joked that you’re as loyal as a dog, but to that, you just respond “Woof!” (That’s dog for “And?”) That’s my kind of guy – is that you?
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: My Abusive Past
May 6, 2009 by E. Foley · Comments Off
Do you disclose an abusive past relationship in your profile? Are there things better saved for when you know someone better?
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 30-something woman we’ll call Yasmine.
Before:
I recently came out of my first and only 5 year abusive relationship that was meant to destroy me. I broke free coming out wiser than before. Now, I can ultimately describe a good man because of the bad encounter. That chapter is closed in my life and I am hoping to open a new one.
What This Says:
First off, I feel for Yasmine. Abusive relationships can really destroy a person and so big kudos to her for having the strength to get out of it and the guts to put herself back on the market.
However…
The time to reveal news like this is not in a dating profile that will be read by hundreds (if not thousands) of strangers. Frankly, it will scare off some really good guys.
The Fix:
Yasmine needs to focus on the good things of her life. Her past is something she can discuss with a man who she’s gotten to know better and feels would be a good potential mate.
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: No Baggage, No Exes!
May 5, 2009 by E. Foley · Comments Off
You want to know your dealbreakers when it comes to relationships. However, there’s a difference between knowing them and being nasty about them.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 40-something man we’ll call Xavier.
Before:
I am also not looking for anyone who has any baggage. Ex Husbands, definately not interested. Sorry, could be harsh, but it’s my truth.
What This Says:
This says exactly what it says. The sad thing, Xavier, is that you’re in your 40s. The chance of finding a woman who has never been married is much slimmer than it was when you were in your 20s. In fact, by their 40s, you may find women who are widows. (Especially true since we have a war going on.)
It’s fine to list your preference for mates as “Never Married.” Just understand that baggage can come from all sorts of places and a former marriage may not be one of them.
The Fix:
It’s my dream to find my match – a woman who has been waiting her whole life for the perfect man and just hasn’t found him yet. I’ve been waiting 46 years – what about you? Isn’t it time we found each other?
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: Keep Up With Me!
May 1, 2009 by E. Foley · Comments Off
Sometimes a small change in wording can change the meaning of an otherwise red flag statement.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a barely legal lady who we’ll call Violet.
Before:
I am looking for a man who can keep up with me.
What This Says:
“I doubt you will fit in my life, but if you want to try, more power to ya!”
The Fix:
There’s never a dull moment in my life! You may find me… (insert descriptions of activities here).
This conveys a sense of excitement instead of a sense of being too busy for a mate. It turns a statement that could be interpreted as a red flag into a definite green light!
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: The Dreaded M Word Isn’t Marriage!
April 27, 2009 by E. Foley · Comments Off
Did you know that there’s a scarier word in your dating profile than “marriage“? It’s driving people away from your profile in droves… even the ones who would be a great fit for you.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 40-something lady who we’ll call Renee.
Before:
Anyone with any drama in their lives need not respond. In this day and age, I believe in monogamy. If you can make me laugh continuously, treat me like a lady, but most of all, be a warm and caring human being, then I would enjoy talking with you first.
What This Says:
“I’ve been cheated on before.”
“I attract cheaters and losers.”
“I’ll talk to you FIRST if you seem better, but I may have to fall back on these other options.”
The Fix:
The scary “M” word is monogamy. Take it out!! Saying you’re into monogamy sends up red flags that you’ve been in relationships that have been less than monogamous. Even if you have, the time to discuss that is LATER, not now.
I’m looking for a life partner – my best friend who will be by my side through everything life has to throw at us. He’s a warm and caring man who loves to make me laugh and he believes (like I do) that it’s possible to find The One after 40!
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: Bad Group Pictures with Blurry Friends
April 13, 2009 by E. Foley · Comments Off
What do you do when you’re flipping through your digital photos and the only good pictures of you are with other people?
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s fix is a 20-something lady who we’ll call Isabelle.
Before:
Isabelle has a dozen pictures on her profile. All but one are in groups of people. In one photo, she did this little bit of Photoshop on a blonde friend (I’ve taken the liberty of chopping Isabelle out of the picture.):
What This Says:
I have to applaud Isabelle for consulting her friends about using their photos in her profile. That’s the only reason I can think of to explain why the blonde friend is blurred while the others are not.
There are a couple red flags going on in her photos, however.
- Multiple group shots implies a “party girl”. Party girl is seen as synonymous with “drama queen” in the eyes of most men.
- The thought will be in his mind… “When she dumps me, will I get blurred out in her new set of online dating photos?“
What Should She Do?
Three words: Take new pictures.
You really only need four or five pictures on your dating profile:
- Close-up of your face.
- Full body shot. (Girls – no bathing suits. Guys – Keep your shirt on.)
- You enjoying a hobby. (Do you cook? Play music? Build things?)
- Personal choice (group shot if you want).
- Personal choice (or limit it to four pictures).
Isabelle needs to take out her group shots (especially the one with the blurred-out blonde) and replace them with pictures of just herself. She’ll find she gets a lot more replies from men looking for real relationships.
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: Lying About Your Age
April 8, 2009 by E. Foley · Comments Off
She’s lying about her age in her online dating profile. Is this acceptable or a big no-no? Why do people do that?
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
We’ll call today’s subject Frannie. She’s a 40-something female who lists her age on her profile as 35. She goes on to explain her lie in her profile:
Before:
I am 41 years of age…and I am TIRED of 54 year old men writing to me! That is why I listed my age younger…so I can at least be found in searches again…It’s up to you now if you would like to get to know me…
What This Says:
“I’m a liar. I lie to get what I want. I’ll probably admit I lied, but there may be times I won’t. I did it so I would be found in search results, which means I want you to do all the work in finding me. I don’t have any intention of putting my own effort into finding the man of my dreams.”
What Should She Do?
Fess up, Frannie. You’re 41. If you’re 41 and want to play the cougar, the first step is to be honest and embrace your cougarhood. You are 41 and you’re looking for young guys. Change your age in your stats to your real age and your first paragraph to something like this:
It’s taken 41 years for me to evolve into the sexy, fun, confident woman that I am today, but my tastes in men haven’t grown up. (Nor will they!) I like my men younger so they can keep up with my lifestyle. My ideal match has a bedtime in the wee hours of the morning and wakes up the next morning thinking, “Damn! That was a great night! I wish I remembered more about it…”
The next step, Frannie, is to get off your butt and FIND those guys. They aren’t going to come flocking to you in masses because not all of them know they’d have the time of their lives with you. It’s up to you to convince them of that.
Too hard? You’ll just have to settle for who you get with minimal effort. Hope you like 54 year olds!
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: Mixed Sexual Messages
April 5, 2009 by E. Foley · Comments Off
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Our subject of the day is a 30-something female we’ll call Caroline. She doesn’t know what she wants! For starters, her profile says she doesn’t have pictures, but she did have pictures. (Not keeping an updated profile says a lot about your lack of commitment to the process!)
Caroline says she’s tired of people sending her sexually charged emails. Let’s check out the mixed messages.
Before:
I am a very funny, sexy, sassy, and sweet lady. No…I don’t have a picture on my profile. Why? …..Because I had one up for 3 days, and I recieved more emails with the subject lines “Hi, Sexy”, “Let’s Get It On”, and “Wanna Ride?” than I ever want to see again!! To satisfy your curiosity….I have long brown hair, bright green eyes, and am blessed with big boobs and booty. I am not thin or obese. I have curves!! Now… for things you worry about after the appearance…
And yet, in the next paragraph:
I love to be touched. I love to kiss. I want someone to skinny dip with and fall asleep under the stars.
What This Says:
“I want sex, but just not with you. Eventually someone really hot will email me and I won’t mind that he asks if I want a ride because maybe that day, I will.”
What Should She Do?
Delete the business about the pictures and the nasty emails. If you’re looking to attract a quality man, then you need to say so. How about this?
I’m looking for the type of guy who holds open doors, pushes in my chair, and is happy strolling down the riverside hand in hand. Romance is the best feeling in the world and I want a man who cherishes the little things of being in love.
That kind of sappy turns the players off. Sure, Caroline still get a few idiots who will email her solely based on her picture, but she should just delete, block, laugh, and move on.
Also, for those on PlentyOfFish, remember to check off that you don’t want to be contacted by those looking for casual (read: sexual) relationships. Our friend Caroline didn’t do that, which would explain at least some of the emails she was receiving.
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: Drinking & Driving with a Shirtless Man
April 4, 2009 by E. Foley · Comments Off
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today, we find a 40-something man whose only picture was taken in the bathroom mirror with no shirt on. His ideal first date involves drinking and driving the lovely lady home. Red flags, anyone?
Let’s call him Bob.
Before:
Ideal First Date: Light to medium social drinking or not at all. I will be the one driving you home.
What This Really Says:
“I’m a fan of drinking because it allows me to have the upper hand. Why don’t you get a little tipsy, let me drive you home, invite me in…”
Quick Fix Solution:
Bob, Bob, Bob. Alcohol really doesn’t have a place on a first date. It lowers inhibitions and makes people feel things that are not 100% real. I’m not saying don’t ever drink on a first date. (I love a good glass of riesling!) Just know your limits. Stick to one glass of your preferred beverage and focus on the person you’re meeting.
What should he do? Take out references to drinking on a first date, and PLEASE don’t say you’ll drive the lady home. News Flash: In today’s society, this is really creepy. You might be a wonderful kindhearted man, but we don’t know that yet. We can’t believe that until we meet you. And your perfect lady isn’t going to want to meet you if she thinks you’re going to liquor her up and drive her into the sunset.