Dating Profile Fix: My Boyfriend In Bed With My Best Friend
On the topic of Things You Shouldn’t Mention In Your Profile, here’s a girl who tells the tale of why she’s single.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 20-something woman we’ll call Anna.
Before:
Now I guess a question will come to your mind (Why is she Single?) isn’t it…ok ok, I used to have a boyfriend but I broke up with him, I caught him in bed with my best friend, you know how that is, it’s a SHOCK, lol…so this led me to break up with him, was I right by that decision???
What This Says:
Not only is she disclosing that her boyfriend’s cheating past, she’s asking for validation on her decision to dump him? Wow, just wow.
The Fix:
This falls under things you shouldn’t mention in your dating profile (or even on a first date). Anna should focus on what makes her wonderful and unique and if people ask about why she’s single, she can say “I just haven’t found the right guy yet.“ Only when a relationship gets to a more stable point should she start sharing stories like this one.
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: I want, I want, I want
If you don’t re-read your profile before posting it, you’ll end up making mistakes that would make your 5th grade English teacher cringe.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 20-something woman we’ll call Zoe.
Before:
I want someone who is funny. I want someone who has ambitions and goals and always leaves room to better themselves. I want them to be driven and motivated that away we can benefit from one another. I want someone humble, and easy going but strong willed like myself. I want a friend, a companion and someone trust worthy and knows how to treat a woman as a lady with respect honor and dignity.
What This Says:
I want someone who is funny. I want someone who has ambitions and goals and always leaves room to better themselves. I want them to be driven and motivated that away we can benefit from one another. I want someone humble, and easy going but strong willed like myself. I want a friend, a companion and someone trust worthy and knows how to treat a woman as a lady with respect honor and dignity.
Seeing a trend here? Every sentence starts with “I want.“ Since this is her entire profile, it’s sending a pretty clear message. This is all about her wants.
The Fix:
Zoe needs to write about herself. The first paragraph of an online dating profile should always be about who YOU are. Then in the second paragraph you can get into the type of mate you want to find. Even then, she’ll want to spin it in a way that describes HIM without her needs involved.
You are a bit of a comedian: easy going and always smiling or cracking a joke. But on the other hand, you’ve got your life together. You’re driven and motivated and inspire those around you to be better people. People have joked that you’re as loyal as a dog, but to that, you just respond “Woof!” (That’s dog for “And?”) That’s my kind of guy – is that you?
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: My Abusive Past
Do you disclose an abusive past relationship in your profile? Are there things better saved for when you know someone better?
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 30-something woman we’ll call Yasmine.
Before:
I recently came out of my first and only 5 year abusive relationship that was meant to destroy me. I broke free coming out wiser than before. Now, I can ultimately describe a good man because of the bad encounter. That chapter is closed in my life and I am hoping to open a new one.
What This Says:
First off, I feel for Yasmine. Abusive relationships can really destroy a person and so big kudos to her for having the strength to get out of it and the guts to put herself back on the market.
However…
The time to reveal news like this is not in a dating profile that will be read by hundreds (if not thousands) of strangers. Frankly, it will scare off some really good guys.
The Fix:
Yasmine needs to focus on the good things of her life. Her past is something she can discuss with a man who she’s gotten to know better and feels would be a good potential mate.
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: No Baggage, No Exes!
You want to know your dealbreakers when it comes to relationships. However, there’s a difference between knowing them and being nasty about them.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 40-something man we’ll call Xavier.
Before:
I am also not looking for anyone who has any baggage. Ex Husbands, definately not interested. Sorry, could be harsh, but it’s my truth.
What This Says:
This says exactly what it says. The sad thing, Xavier, is that you’re in your 40s. The chance of finding a woman who has never been married is much slimmer than it was when you were in your 20s. In fact, by their 40s, you may find women who are widows. (Especially true since we have a war going on.)
It’s fine to list your preference for mates as “Never Married.” Just understand that baggage can come from all sorts of places and a former marriage may not be one of them.
The Fix:
It’s my dream to find my match – a woman who has been waiting her whole life for the perfect man and just hasn’t found him yet. I’ve been waiting 46 years – what about you? Isn’t it time we found each other?
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: Not-so-Thrilling Thrill Seeker
One of the age old snippets of advice for writing is: “Don’t tell – show.” This advice can go a long way in writing your best online dating profile.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 40-something man we’ll call Warren.
Before:
I can sometimes be a thrill seeker and enjoy traveling and trying new things.
What This Says:
Not much. Let’s just take “thrill seeker” as an example. That could mean any number of things:
- He likes roller coasters.
- He likes to eat weird foods like that Fear Factor stuff.
- He likes to drive his car way faster than the speed limit.
- He skydives on the weekends.
- He engages in lots of unprotected sex.
I’m sure there are thousands of other “thrill seeker” activities. Some of them are fun, some are not so fun (or legal). What Warren needs to do here is clarify exactly what kind of thrills he likes. This gets women engaged in his story – which is exactly what he wants!
The Fix:
You could call me a thrill seeker – or maybe just a speed seeker. I’m good with my car (no tickets, Mom!) but I’m a sucker for a great roller coaster. I love the old wooden roller coasters, but am enamored with the technology behind all the newest thrill rides. I could spend a whole day at the theme park just riding coasters!
That says a LOT more than just “I’m a thrill seeker.” Women who like roller coasters will be clicking the “Email me!” button. Women who would have moved on because they had a “thrill seeker” of an unsafe variety in the past will know exactly what kind of thrills make Warren happy. Win-win!
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: Keep Up With Me!
Sometimes a small change in wording can change the meaning of an otherwise red flag statement.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a barely legal lady who we’ll call Violet.
Before:
I am looking for a man who can keep up with me.
What This Says:
“I doubt you will fit in my life, but if you want to try, more power to ya!”
The Fix:
There’s never a dull moment in my life! You may find me… (insert descriptions of activities here).
This conveys a sense of excitement instead of a sense of being too busy for a mate. It turns a statement that could be interpreted as a red flag into a definite green light!
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: Angry Parent
There’s being a parent and then there is being an angry Mama Bear that nobody wants to get close to for fear of losing a limb.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 30-something lady who we’ll call Uma.
Before:
I’ll start by saying if you don’t like children you can move along. I have the most beautiful little girl anyone could ask for and no one comes before her.
What This Says:
“Rawr! I’m a Mama Bear! Don’t you get near me or my cub!”
The Fix:
You can be a proud parent without being a scary Mama Bear. Believe me, most men who don’t want kids are going to pick up the fact that you have a beautiful little girl and go running in the other direction. You may get a couple who won’t read your profile, but you’ll get that no matter what. It’s par for the course (especially if you’re really pretty).
All Uma needs to do to fix up her profile is delete the first sentence. Starting your profile off with the beautiful little girl who is the center of her world will drive away the guys who don’t like kids just fine. Bonus: It won’t scare the rest of the guys off who think she’s got a bad Mama Bear attitude.
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
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Dating Profile Fix: Cliches and Contradictions
If I had a nickel for every dating profile that read like a laundry list of cliches, I’d be able to retire on my own private island.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 20-something lady who we’ll call Trish.
Before:
- I’m a country girl at heart that loves spending her evenings in the city on occasion.
- I do enjoy going out to the clubs on occasion, but it’s not something I want to do for life. I want someone that is content sitting at home watching movies and making dinner together.
- I love spending time with friends and keeping it low-key, but I don’t mind hitting the town if the occasion calls for it.
What This Says:
Simply translated, this is what Trish is saying:
- I like the country and sometimes the city.
- I like going out and sometimes staying in.
- I like staying in and sometimes going out.
I think pretty much every human being (unless they are a hermit) can agree to these things. This doesn’t make Trish unique or interesting in the slightest.
What Should She Do?
Trish needs to think long and hard about what makes her unique and interesting. What are the types of things she does when she’s out with friends? Do they have a contest to see who can stand up on the Metro the longest with no hands? (The key is a low center of gravity. Squat and win!) Is she a champion apple pie baker?
Everyone has something unique and interesting about them that makes them attractive, interesting, and appealing. What’s yours?
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: The Department of Redundancy Department
One of the hallmarks of good writing is that it can say a lot in very few words. (There are some exceptions to this, like Dickens, but it depends on what you happen to like in literature.)
What happens when your dating profile goes way too long?
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 20-something lady who we’ll call Stacy.
Before:
I like doing little things for people. I consider my day a success if I’ve made someone elses day better. I am very big into little things. I like writing people notes, sending random text messages, making someone dinner or snacks and giving massages. I think the little things that take time, effort and thought mean so much more. I love doing that for others and I really want someone who will do that for me.
What This Says:
The same thing. Over and over and over and over and over…
The Fix:
Whether it’s by sending a supportive text message or making a home-cooked meal, I believe in taking the time to do the little things that let people know how much they mean to me.
Short, sweet, and sooooo much better.
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.
Dating Profile Fix: The Dreaded M Word Isn’t Marriage!
Did you know that there’s a scarier word in your dating profile than “marriage“? It’s driving people away from your profile in droves… even the ones who would be a great fit for you.
Welcome to the Daily Fix, where we take snippets from real dating profiles and changes the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Today’s subject is a 40-something lady who we’ll call Renee.
Before:
Anyone with any drama in their lives need not respond. In this day and age, I believe in monogamy. If you can make me laugh continuously, treat me like a lady, but most of all, be a warm and caring human being, then I would enjoy talking with you first.
What This Says:
“I’ve been cheated on before.”
“I attract cheaters and losers.”
“I’ll talk to you FIRST if you seem better, but I may have to fall back on these other options.”
The Fix:
The scary “M” word is monogamy. Take it out!! Saying you’re into monogamy sends up red flags that you’ve been in relationships that have been less than monogamous. Even if you have, the time to discuss that is LATER, not now.
I’m looking for a life partner – my best friend who will be by my side through everything life has to throw at us. He’s a warm and caring man who loves to make me laugh and he believes (like I do) that it’s possible to find The One after 40!
Seen a bad profile recently? (Maybe your own?) Email it to me and it may be featured on an upcoming Daily Fix.